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One of my most favorite things I loved doing as a child was coloring by numbers.   I had entire books filled with black and white drawings that were sectioned off in such random sections.  In each section was a number.  And then there was a legend at the bottom of the page.  1 is yellow.  2 is orange.  3 is red.  4 is blue.  5 is green.  6 is purple.  All I had to do was find all the 1’s and color it yellow, then move on to the next color.  I am not naturally gifted artistically, so it always made me feel so excited when I saw a beautiful picture emerging like magic!   I would color every single picture in my coloring books and feel like Leonardo Da Vinci!  Even today, there are adult parties where you can paint by the numbers (with a glass of wine nearby!), and these parties are a hit!  

These last 9 weeks have been like coloring by the numbers for me.  The concepts have been difficult for me to grasp, but I’ve been doing the exercises anyway.  Mark and Davene talked a lot about trusting them that this would create a beautiful outcome.   What I am finding out is that I’ve been sleep-walking through most of my adult life.  I thought I had goals and dreams, but now that we are thinking about them every day, I’m learning that I’m still dreaming someone else’s dreams for me, and what I thought was important is not bringing me peace.  I don’t really want anything material for myself.  I want to give as much away as possible.  So my dream of going on a cruise or having tons of money in the bank feels yucky to me now.  Time to go back to the drawing board and see who the real Fran is.

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