One of my most favorite things I loved doing as a child was coloring by numbers. I had entire books filled with black and white drawings that were sectioned off in such random sections. In each section was a number. And then there was a legend at the bottom of the page. 1 is yellow. 2 is orange. 3 is red. 4 is blue. 5 is green. 6 is purple. All I had to do was find all the 1’s and color it yellow, then move on to the next color. I am not naturally gifted artistically, so it always made me feel so excited when I saw a beautiful picture emerging like magic! I would color every single picture in my coloring books and feel like Leonardo Da Vinci! Even today, there are adult parties where you can paint by the numbers (with a glass of wine nearby!), and these parties are a hit!
These last 9 weeks have been like coloring by the numbers for me. The concepts have been difficult for me to grasp, but I’ve been doing the exercises anyway. Mark and Davene talked a lot about trusting them that this would create a beautiful outcome. What I am finding out is that I’ve been sleep-walking through most of my adult life. I thought I had goals and dreams, but now that we are thinking about them every day, I’m learning that I’m still dreaming someone else’s dreams for me, and what I thought was important is not bringing me peace. I don’t really want anything material for myself. I want to give as much away as possible. So my dream of going on a cruise or having tons of money in the bank feels yucky to me now. Time to go back to the drawing board and see who the real Fran is.